Day Dreaming

Charlie has a cold which means more time in the rocker and more time to just sit and think. It's sort of nice to do occasionally and I've started to be able to see why people talk about the wonders of rocking a sleeping baby. I have to say that when I was rocking a sleeping baby for hours on end every day while desperately needing to sleep, eat, and pee, the romance was rather lost. Anyway, I started think about where I would like to live and as always, my thoughts turned to Maine. I have this idealized vision of it from trips taken throughout my childhood. In the summer it was this delightfully cool oasis where you could run around outside even in August. I could walk to the beach and sit on the dock or walk to the corner store and get a coke and pretzel rod all by myself. The air smelled exotic and comforting at the same time. A wonderful blend of evergreens and a sweet grass and meadow smell. We could go to LL Bean and examine the stream, sit in the tent, and find a small treasure to take home. Sometimes we would drive the rest of the way 'up' and go visit Canada or visit relatives who lived in areas so remote, it was rather unfathomable.

When we talk about where my husband should look for a job next, I always bring up Maine or Vermont or New Hampshire but there is little there to draw him professionally however much he might like it personally. I think some of my longing is also a means of putting my head in the sand regarding climate change. While the seasons are also 'off' in the North East, coming from warmer climes, it probably won't seem quite as jarring as wearing short sleeves well into October did here. I worry rather frequently these days about what sort of world Charlie will find as he grows up and never really feel I am doing enough. I struggle with how many children we should really have if we are being ecologically responsible. We have really slacked on the reusable bags since I have been in the quagmire of early pregnancy. We are switching our bulbs to florescent as the incandescents burn out, drive a hybrid car, and try to vote for the green candidate. At the same time, I know that all of this is such a minor drop in the bucket. I still use my dryer regularly. We also drive a minivan. We don't live in a walking friendly community and as such, drive more than I would like. We use air conditioning and turned the heater back up to 71' after Charlie was born. I feel like we, as a society, may be on the cusp of change and I am hoping that it happens soon enough that we won't have to move to Maine just so Charlie can see what snow is.