Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Totally Shallow

1- The other day I noticed that Megan has tell tale cottage cheesy-ness on her upper thighs. I decided that my perfect little 20 month old could not possibly be suffering from any beauty ailments as of yet. Hence, I've decided that cellulite is simply a part of life and to waste no further time worrying about eliminating it.

2- Over the last 4 years I have spent roughly a year puking or variations on that theme. Add an additional 3-6 months of nausea and general ill will towards most foods. I do have 2 and a third beautiful children as a result. However, it seems like I should really have abs of steel and nary a smidge of extra weight. This is really not the case.

3- I am at the annoying pudgy stage of pregnancy.

4- I discovered during my celebratory past-the-first-trimester hair dying that I now posses "resistant gray." (The general consensus seems to be that hair dye doesn't pose any significant risk to developing babies. Preferably, you should get highlights since they have less contact with the scalp but I had to settle for Natural Instincts with the thought that a complete lack of permanence, ammonia, or bleach had to be worth something.)

5- The cold weather combined with pregnancy induced dry skin, has my hands looking less than lovely.

6- I can't tell you how beautiful I feel with the combined effects of 2, 3, 4, 5. Glowing, I tell you, I am glowing!

7- In other third pregnancy news...
7a- I totally ate some brie when another pregnant lady pointed out to me that it was made from pasteurized milk
7b- I have eaten eggs with somewhat runny yolks twice now on the basic assumption that if one's morning sickness is as overenthusiastic as mine, if it was really all that bad for me, I wouldn't be able to even look at it.

8- I do have a theory concerning my morning sickness which makes me feel slightly more philosophical about it. I am apparently ill designed for actually getting babies out although reasonably good at growing them. Frankly, had I been born then or there instead of here and now, I likely would have died in childbirth or, at the very least, lost my babies, had all else been equal. However, somehow these genes managed to make it to me so somehow a woman managed to give birth with my structural quirks. I think extended morning sickness (as well as releasing enough relaxin to inadvertently dislocate your hips) is the answer. Had I not had the advantage of abundant nutrition pre-pregnancy and then the advantages of gatorade, modern medicine and Ben and Jerry's milkshakes, I would likely have gained rather significantly less during pregnancy and, hence, never managed to grow a 9 pound baby. At the same time, I was never sick enough to seriously endanger the child or myself- miserable, yes, hospitalized, no. Between this natural weight limitation and the excessive mobility of my joints, had I been born then or there rather than here and now, there is a good change I would, in fact, have managed to survive childbirth and pass along my somewhat questionable genetic viability.

9- We live far enough south that sweet tea is generally offered and magnolias are a part of the scenery. But, we live at a high enough elevation that snow boots are not an uncommon acquisition and Target stocks snow pants. We have some plows and the school districts build in some snow days. HOWEVER, we are on our 3rd (or maybe 4th?) major winter weather event of the season. Our snowfall for the year will soon be measured in yards rather than inches. I am about to go nucking futz! The children and I are seriously starting to not enjoy one another. We all have colds to varying degrees. I worry the couch will never recover from the amount of snow Penny has allowed to melt on it and that the children will develop rickets from the extended lack of sun. Of course, on deck for today is "light icing" and they are calling for more snow on Friday. I am considering if I would rather we move to South Carolina or South Texas. Thoughts?


suzannah said...

i always felt so sick in my pregnancies, too. i feel for you!

and the looking pudgy but not pregnant is no fun either, but it beats huge, uncomfortable, and canbarelymove!

and the no soft cheese lie! it took me a while to figure out too that ALL soft cheeses in america are pasturized! although in my last pregnancy, i admit to eating yummy local raw cheese too:)

spring can't hold out forever...i hope!

Hopewell said...

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